Thursday, March 27, 2008

Feminism and my love/hate relationship with it.

I love being a mom, I don't like being a working mom. I started a new book this morning - "I was a Really Good Mom Before I had Kids". I'm on page 32 and so far I love it.

As women we have far to go with regards to perfecting feminism. So yay, we can vote and work. In addition we are also expected to do ALL the same tasks mothers did BEFORE we were "freed to work" outside the home. Yes, I can have a career. But I still have to find the time to fit all the "other stuff" in. "Other stuff" can be defined as cleaning, cooking, and folding laundry. I also want to spend time with Jonah, playing, cuddling, and reading books. I find that I have a hard time balancing it all. I know people say to just let the "other stuff" go, but I hate that advice. What do you mean "let the other stuff go". I can't just let it go. Who's going to do it if I don't?

I think true feminism now is acceptance and forgiveness. Accepting that we cannot do it all, that we will not be our own impossible ideal of a perfect mom and then forgiving ourselves for not achieving that perfection. Because even though we may accept it we will still feel guilty for not achieving it.

I am working on the acceptance part first...


Amy said...

We applaud your honesty! Glad you are liking the book. We have felt so many of the emotions you have....

Amy Nobile & Trisha Ashworth, co-authors
I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids &
Dirty Little Secrets from Otherwise Perfect Moms

Kelle said...

I deal with those feelings and I DON'T work! I had one of those days today where I just felt I needed to put everything down...the cleaning, the computer, the scrapbooking (gasp!)...even the camera...and just be with her. Really be with her. It's a constant struggle. You just keep loving as much as you can...and loving doesn't HAVE to mean reading a story to them at every moment. And it feels good too to know they are having fun away from you and learning confidence while you get things done and/or work. If you truly love your child, it's a win/win situation.

Meghan said...

first, i don't know how i found your blog - i guess i should spend some more time working at work. second, i don't like being a working mom either. i feel like i am the only person i know who has to go through this (i have a lot of sahm friends). that's the only reason i am commenting. i read the first sentence on your blog post and i thought...there is someone else who feels like me. the juggle is so hard, especially putting yourself as a priority. it's hard to find time for yourself, and especially when the trade off is spending time with your kidlets. good luck finding balance - it's out there somewhere!

Anonymous said...

Two of my favorite sayings:

1- An expectation is a premeditated resentment.

2- Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

You rock mama! You are the ultimate woman because you are doing your best! Perfection is relative- love is absolute.